His Hell
by wizardsunlimited
Summary: When Dean returns from Purgatory, he has changed. He assumes. Sam can't take it. Lucifer is ever present. How long can Sam last before breaking? Will Dean finally notice his downward spiraling brother? Or will it be too late for the two of them? R&R! Should I make this wincest?
1. Chapter 1

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Did I mention I don't own SPN? All rights go to its awesome creators and writers. If I did own it, the would be A LOT more wincest

Sam couldn't take it anymore. not with Lucifer, not with Dean and not with the other hunters constantly on his tail. of course, Dean didn't know about the last, and wasn't going to if Sam had anything to say about it. Dean didn't have to know how useless and unsuccessful Sam had been in searching for his older brother. About how Sam was a letdown. Dean had assumed- and Sam had let him. Assumption was better than the truth in this case. Dean thought that had hit a dog, met a girl and settled down to _normal_. What was normal? He had tried to escape to normal once, with Jess. Look how well that worked out. No, normal was here. By his older brother's side. Hunting and killing anomalies. Still, why did it feel so wrong since Dean's return from Purgatory? But Sam had let him assume. Because that was better than seeing the disgust and hate in his older sibling's eyes.

No, he was just content to have his brother back. Details weren't necessary. Yet, it still hurt. Dean's words hurt. They kept replaying in his mind like a broken record. "Benny's been a better brother than you". When he heard that one, it had shattered what was left of him and left a hollow feeling where his soul should have been. like that time he spent soulless. Lucifer wasn't helping matters either. He kept morphing into Dean and playing every single hurtful comment that had been aimed at him his whole life by his big brother, his father, Meg, Ruby and even Jess. He knew they weren't true but that didn't make them hurt any less. Sam's head wasn't his own anymore. No, it was Lucifer's domain. The devil had taken over his mind and Dean had taken over his life. He wasn't his anymore. If Dean said "jump" Sam would ask "how high?". That's just the way it was.


	2. Chapter 2

There was no point in even contemplating offing himself anymore. 'Been there, done that, the devil brought me back', Sam thought with a grimace. Yeah, that conversation would go over well with Dean. But if Dean knew Sam's secrets, he would walk. Sam knew it. And he wasn't so sure he'd be able to stand the shock of that. But he knew one thing. Dean would eventually find out. He always did when it came to Sam. Still, Sam would do his damn well best to put it off as long as possible.

Sam's mind wandered back to his _attempts_. He'd tried everything. Burning, crashing, and shooting himself in the brain, in the heart, electrocuting himself. Everything. That was after the weeks with the hunters. _The Hunters. _Oh god! Sam knew that they would eventually cross paths with his captors. How could they not? He knew that they would not let the opportunity of taunting Dean with Sam's capture go. He also knew that once they realized that Sam hadn't told his big brother everything about his time upstairs, they would reveal it all _and take some kind of sick, perverse pleasure in it_. Well, reveal almost all. Dean knew nothing about the rest of his year. But once the hunters revealed the part of his year he _spent _with them, Dean would walk, before he could say "purgatory". This brought him to the fact, that he was going to get hurt either way. Whether Dean left him, or he left Dean, there was going to be a giant gaping hole in his soul in the end.

So this was it. The ultimate choice for him. He knew that his brother will not kill him. Knew that Dean would believe in his _Sammy_ until the end. But what was the end? Lucifer was back in the cage, sure. But that didn't deter hallucinations. Sam knew that the Lucifer he was seeing was a hallucination. Simply because of the pain trick that Dean had taught him a long time ago. _Dean_. He still didn't know about Lucifer. Dean didn't want to know. Otherwise it would just emphasize the fact that Sam was a letdown. How was he supposed to fight monsters in the outside world if he couldn't even gain control of his own mind? Sam shook his head in disgust at himself.

They had just finished a hunt in Boston. They usually didn't go that far up north, but it was a violent ghost who was hell bent on killing women who had more two relationships at the same time. Something to do with him and his wife when he was alive. It was a simple salt and burn, but as usual, it ended up being way more complicated than that. Dean had been thrown into a wall the first time they tried to go near the backyard, where Mr. Hooper was buried by a _very _pissed off ghost. That had knocked him out for half an hour. During which time, the ghost had thrown various assortments of sharp objects at Sam, including knives, scissors, pens, letter openers. Basically anything sharp that it could get its hands on. Sam had pumped the ghost full of salt each time, while progressing towards the grave. Just before he could throw the lighter in, Mr. Hooper apparently wanted one of the Winchesters to come with him. He had thrown a knife which was currently lodged in Sam's side. He had managed to finish the salt and burn, and bring his brother back to the motel, without injuring himself or the Impala. Of course, dean had protested to hell and back about Sam driving his _Baby_, but Sam had said it was more dangerous if Dean drove with a possible concussion and crashed. Dean had reluctantly agreed but had grumbled all the way back. Of course he hadn't noticed Sam's injuries. If he had, he obviously chose to ignore them. _Sam _could take care of himself. Obviously only _Sammy _needed Dean's help. Oh God! He never thought he would miss hearing that obnoxious nickname from his brother's mouth. But Dean had stopped calling him that since his return. So Sam got his brother in bed with an ice pack and some cream on his bruises.

He then proceeded to the bathroom to look at his side. His eyes almost rolled back on his head when he actually saw the 6 inch gash in his side that had become numb by now. He had seen and patched up some nasty injuries while patching up Dad, Dean and even himself, but this was up there. He could clearly see part of his ribs and knew immediately that he needed stitches. He almost didn't want to stitch it up. Not because he liked being injured, obviously, but because the pain blocked out Lucifer. Like the pain trick. But he had to patch it up. Come morning, he couldn't have Dean thinking that Sam was incapable of taking care of himself. He knew that without any help. Now, how did he want to stitch it up? God knew how many times he had stitched himself at awkward angles during Dean's stint in hell's backyard. But this was going to be a pain in the ass. 'Well, we might as well get over with it'. He went up to get the first aid kit and started the process of numb and stitch, all the while, his mind on Dean, his own failure as a brother and a son as well as a boyfriend, friend, nephew, well, pretty much anything

A/N: Thanks for adding this story to follows and favorites guys! R&R! Reviews make me work faster! And if you guys have requests for one-shots, or two shots, DM me! I'm taking a break from all my series! I'll probably post chapters for some stories this weekend, but I will be going on a haitus for a while because, I'm kinda maybe failing two of my classes, so I need to focus on that! But do go and heck out my other stories! And stay tuned for updates on them by Sunday night, latest! Love ya guys so much!

~wizards_unlimited


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